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Diamonds and Pearls of WisdomThe DivorceWizards Blog, by Lynne DiamondCollaborative Divorce - NOTSunday, May 22, 2011 I was having lunch with a therapist friend of mine the other day. She informed me she referred one of her clients to a collaborative divorce attorney. What? IMHO, collaborative divorce is a way too expensive process. The first meeting typically entails six to eight professionals meeting with the parties to hammer out the terms of the contract to do business. By six to eight professionals, I mean two attorneys, two therapist coaches, a parenting expert or two, one or two financial planners. More experts can be added to the mix if the parties are very wealthy and/or need more input. The attorneys are bound by the collaborative agreement - if the collaborative process doesn’t work, the parties must then hire new attorneys to litigate the matter in court. In some parts of the country, the involved professionals reduce their fees but in California, every professional sitting at the table is charging their full fee – usually ranging from $150 an hour to $400 or $500 an hour. What I hate the most about collaborative divorce is that it cuts out the mediator. Attorneys who supported divorce mediation from its early days are now practicing the collaborative way. Collaborative divorce is very time consuming so for those charging by the hour, it is very lucrative. Also, the family Courts embrace collaborative law and are very supportive of the process. It would seem to me, if you are going to spend $65,000 on an out of court divorce, it might serve you better to try to stay married and hire all the above professionals to help you figure out how to do that. After all, if you have a financial planner advising you about your money issues and a parenting expert advising you about your parenting issues and a therapist coaching you through the rough spots in life – add a few trips to the gym each week and maybe just maybe you can get enough assistance to stay married. I am not saying collaborative divorce is never indicated. In certain cases, where one party is lying and cheating, the other party may not be able to participate in an out of court settlement without an attorney by their side every step of the way. Think Arnold Schwarzenegger. As much as I believe strongly in divorce mediation, I am not sure if his creepy behavior lends itself to an unprotected negotiation. But for most people like you and me, a mediated divorce will be far less expensive and equally effective as the collaborative alternative. At the end of the day, fifty-fifty is fifty-fifty regardless of whether it took $65,000 in a collaborative process to get there or $6500 in a mediated divorce. |