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Diamonds and Pearls of WisdomThe DivorceWizards Blog, by Lynne DiamondI Hate You...Now Let's Co-ParentThursday, January 25, 2007 I have been working with Doug and Monica for seven years now. They have been divorced for about five years and have three children together. We are on a retainer of sorts to help them work through post divorce issues as they come up.The thing is, this couple totally does not get along! They would probably rather spit at each other than work together on anything, let alone difficult parenting challenges. The literature encourages parents to get along after divorce "for the sake of the children" and "join together to co-parent". That is probably the ideal. Many divorced people just can't co-parent. So what can they do? I have created an approach to parenting that I call "Side By Side Parenting". That is a way for parents who can't co-parent to work together to help their kids. It goes something like this. Let's say the child is failing in school. He is a smart kid, never had any problems in school - until now. What to do? Try this. Each parent makes a written plan on how they will help the child through this difficult time. Even just a list of ideas - meet with teachers; write a contract; take the child to counseling; review assignments daily; no more sports until grades improve and so on. Then compare lists and mesh them together. Parents can then choose which parts of the plan they will implement. Voila - co-parenting accountability without the emotional background noise. Try it - let me know if it works for you. |