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Diamonds and Pearls of WisdomThe DivorceWizards Blog, by Lynne DiamondMy Thanksgiving Day BlogFriday, November 24, 2006 Miriam came in to see me about divorcing her husband, Rabbi Jacques. Rabbi Jacques lives on the East Coast and Miriam moved back to CA about six months ago. While she and the Rabbi have their issues, she told me this really nice Thanksgiving story. Rabbi Jacques used to be a head honcho at a large, wealthy congregation where he received a large and healthy income. Tired of the politics and the inability to get anything done, Rabbi Jacques left and started his own congregation where all of his members saw things his way.Some members of the Congregation went to the Urban Food Bank last week to help prepare meals so the hungry folks - I think they are now called food challenged or something like that - would have a hearty meal for Thanksgiving. At the Food Bank, Rabbi Jacques learned that 75 families would not be getting a Thanksgiving meal due to lack of funds. Cost to provide for all was another $2600. Rabbi Jacques immediately picked up the phone - and in about 2 hours, he raised $1300 from his congregants. He went ahead and told the Food Bank to go ahead and order the food - he was confident his congregation would cover the rest of the bill. Then he made some more calls and raised the rest of the money. No committees, no consultants, no white papers - just simple acts of loving kindness. Our wish for you this holiday season is that you catch yourself doing simple acts of loving kindness. Even if you are angry at your spouse. A simple kindness goes a long way. The 9 Year Old Restraining OrderMonday, November 20, 2006 My client's 9 year old son Slate started to have some discipline problems in school. He was getting a little rowdy and being sent to the office or teacher on more than one occasion. When his mom quizzed him about it, he kept blaming Richie, one of the other kids. No matter what happened, when Richie was around, Slate got in trouble.Mom told Slate that this was not an acceptable excuse. She told him that she holds him accountable for his own actions and that he can't keep blaming Richie. She let him know that he needs to stay away from Richie if Richie keeps "getting him into trouble". A few days later, while she was driving him to school, she asked Slate about Richie and how that situation was going. He told her that he advised Richie that he was getting a restraining order against him and that Richie could not be within a five foot radius of him at any time. it worked - -- Steve Nash is Having a Bad Hair DayFriday, November 17, 2006 I don’t think Steve Nash gets it. I know this blog is a stretch from divorce, but maybe someone will enlighten the great basketball coaches of our generation. When a player is having a bad hair day, they simply cannot win. They lose their focus from their game and focus on their bad hair.Remember a few years ago, when the Lakers had one of their heartbreaking seasons – well Rick Fox was having a bad hair day – actually a bad hair season. He just could not figure out what to do with his hair. He tried a ponytail; pulling back the front ends into a ponytail and leaving the back hang down, blah blah. And no matter what, he just couldn’t get his hair right. Too bad Kwame Brown was not around at that time to show Rick the cool cornrow/braid combo that he has. And now Steve Nash. Did you see what he did to his hair. Oh-my-gosh! That beautiful silky Steve Nash hair – the hair he so delicately pushed behind his ears – is now gone? Steve – how do you expect to get back in your game with that lousy hair cut? Last game against Memphis – only 11 points? Come on Steve, let your hair grow back so you can get into your game. Is there a divorce message here? Yes - when your loved ones start acting or looking different, take notice and try to figure out what is going on. Chance are, there is some thinking going on that you haven't noticed. Things like people's hair or clothes are keys to better understanding who they are and how they are feeling. The Attorney Trust (ha ha) FundThursday, November 16, 2006 A client came in the other day asking me to help her complete some ancillary paperwork to her divorce. She need a Qualified Domestic Relations Order to divide her husband’s retirement plan and a wage assignment to have her spousal support sent directly from his employer to her bank account. She had just finished her two year, $9000 Orange County Divorce. I told her the time frame was about average and the cost was very reasonable compared to many others. Her attorney billed at $250 rather than $450 the going rate today in major metropolitan California areas.Debbie told me that she and her husband sold their house about three weeks after the divorce began. They made a $300,000 profit and had agreed to split the net proceeds from the sale. Because they were still litigating, the funds went into Debbie’s attorney’s trust (ha ha) fund. About a year later, Debbie’s daughter announced the good news of her wedding – Debbie had to borrow money to give her daughter a wedding because her house money was still sitting in the attorney trust (ha ha) fund. Debbie’s husband and his attorney signed the judgment for divorce in June and Debbie’s attorney finally got around to it in October. Since Debbie was unable to get through to her attorney to get her money, she found a friend of a friend who was willing to help… another attorney. So when he called Debbie’s attorney at 5 to 5 on Friday, Debbie’s attorney agreed to release Debbie’s funds. However, she was firing Debbie and refused to complete any more of the required paperwork for her. My good luck! Oh – here is the ha ha part. Debbie did not receive any interest of her money. All the interest on funds in the attorney trust (ha ha) account goes to the California State Bar for the benefit of it’s attorney members. Brittney broke the news via text messagingMonday, November 13, 2006 People often ask how to break the news to their spouse that they have decided to file for divorce. Tough question and the answer depends on your situation. I often suggest you tell your spouse at his best time of the day and week. Whether that be in the morning or the evening – weekday or weekend. I also suggest you take the entire blame – even though it is never one person’s fault. Take total responsibility. I never thought of suggesting a text message – IMDivorcingU! That sums it up! Both have requested sole custody in spite of the fact that joint custody is more favorable to the children.Brittney had the benefit of the wisdom of her $1000 an hour Beverly Hills attorney in preparing an "airtight" pre-nuptial agreement. The new Mr. Spears would be extremely limited in his ability to benefit from the Brittster's fortune. Even gifts were designated as community and separate property. And his spousal support would be limited at about $150,000 per year of marriage - not bad for a bad singer anyway. But nothing is airtight as we are finding out. Brittney's exhibitionism and ego ruined that. So Maybe she will not be sharing much money with hubby of the moment in their divorce settlement, but she will be paying him off bigtime - huge time - for not releasing those tapes. And where were those in the $1000 an hour prenup? Didn't Barbara Streisand have something in her pre-nup that didn't allow for any tapes or books to be published? One area that are not addressed by pre-nups - because the State of CA rules this against public policy - is determinations of child custody and support. So this is where Mr. Spears will get Brittney - in the worst possible place - the children. So now they will be in the middle, big time. At least they are young and won't really understand what is going on - of course - until they get older and understand big time! Broadcom Former CEO Henry NicholasFriday, November 03, 2006 Is getting divorced. Now the thing about Henry is that he left his position at Broadcom corporation about two years ago so he could mend his relationship with his family. Huh? Who does that? Totally quits their job to spend time with their family. Henry, are you familiar with balance? Apparently not. The trick is to be able to have a successful family life while you are having a successful business life – what were you thinking? Did you really think if you totally concentrated on your family, you could fix something that has probably been broken for a long time? So now Henry, after two years, you are succumbing to become another divorce statistic. And you are also a neighbor of mine in Orange County, CA. The reason why Henry’s divorce was headlines in the Business Section was to point out the concerns when your spouse owns a share of your business. The article wisely recommends having some type of agreement so that an estranged spouse cannot undermine the inner workings of a business should divorce strike the principals. Good advice. |